so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
