Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
