btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
