a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm passing your future prison.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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