The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
