Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
