I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
