i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
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He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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