So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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