Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
