I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
