Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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