when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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