Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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