I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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