haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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