tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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