white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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