just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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