omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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