i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
