he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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