You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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