that's an acceptable place to lick
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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