Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
