He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize