I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
