I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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