I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
