wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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