Porn is love you can see.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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