she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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