It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
