I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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