just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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