So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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