C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My cat gives me a boner
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I am one with the molecules
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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