out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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