you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
