you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
