just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Alive.
So much puke
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
