Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
