Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
