I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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