so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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