every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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