seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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