Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
