I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
