If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
