physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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