U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
