Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
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