Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
