i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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