All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
