I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
