Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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