yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
