I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
