i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
