he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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