Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
